The Idea of Growing Old
by nuclear so and so's
Summary: "All these tough guys, they just become faceless, you know? But a pretty, able-bodied girl who doesn't go around boasting about it, that's interesting. That makes you interesting." Annie's family, soulmate, and the loss of her mind. From beginning to end.
1. Chapter 1

She sat perfectly still as her mother pinned back her hair, shaping it, letting it flow in loose curls. "It frames your face." she mused, slurring the words more to herself than to her daughter. She pulled a bobbypin out from in between her lips and secured it into her hair, eyebrows furrowing as she stared at the girl in the mirror. "Keep your head up." she said, and her voice was resolute. One hand still wrapped around a curling iron, she grabbed both sides of Annie's face and made her face forward. "No use not looking at yourself now. No use fretting."

Her father was well to do in town- he owned one of the best fishing boats in the sea. The S.S. Lena, named for a girl long since lost. Her namesake remained, however, and had managed to collect its owner a pretty penny every day. Business thrived, and that meant good things for the family. They could afford the best.

From almost birth, she had been trained. How to speak, how to respond to questions, those things had come first. Before she learned to say "mama", she learned how to say "please". These things, these were the most important things. She was placed on a healthy diet. Extravagance was not something she had ever known, to keep her slim and fit. Toned. She'd never even tried liquor, even though her mother seemed to have that constant, half-lidded look about her that meant that she'd had wine for breakfast, maybe some vodka for lunch, maybe something else. She had grown to accept it, a necessity of her mother's life to get her through the day. Usually, she cracked jokes about it to her best friend, made light of a situation that she knew would soon be dire. This day, she was complacent, transfixed on what was ahead.

"Don't bother waiting even a second." her mother said, running her hand through her daughter's hair, careful not to muss up the curls. "Someone else might take your spot, then where would we be?" she sighed, placing the bobby pins on the table. Leaning forward, she kissed Annie on the head. She closed her eyes for a second, turned and left the room.

Annie reached forward, running a hand though her curls. She practiced her smile, practiced throwing her hand forward. There was no way around this, she reminded herself. It should have been Lena, but there was no Lena any more. This was the day she had been waiting for, and yet her stomach lurched, in its peculiar way. She was buzzed with energy, an adrenaline she had never felt before. She stood up, smiled at herself in the mirror again, and remembered what her best friend, Margot, had told her.

"The game starts from the reaping. Every moment counts, so don't waste them."

She shrugged, slipping on her shoes. She put her hands on her hips and left the room, for what she hoped would not be the last time.

* * *

><p>It must have been a cosmic joke, or maybe it was in the cards, but when her name got pulled from that bowl, she wanted to laugh. She wasn't bitter, but how funny was that? All these preparations for protocol to volunteer, and she got picked herself. Suddenly, her body surged with energy. This was a sign, she told herself. A sign that this was it. This was the right decision. Even if she had been feeling a little squeamish that morning, she was doing the right thing. The good thing, for her father, for her family. She was going to win this.<p>

Her mother kissed her on the head, told her to remember everything she had learned in school. Her father thanked her for being so, so brave. Margot promised to tell her everything she'd miss for when she got home. Then she sat alone, waiting for them to come get her. Her fingers itched for a knife. She was sick of this part, this sitting around waiting part. She wanted to get it over with.

* * *

><p>His name was Johnny Fletcher. Of course she knew him- they had all known for a long time how this would end, and the two of them had quickly formed a bond. He was funny. He had blue eyes, light brown hair and he was tan. Well-muscled, she had noticed. That could be threatening later, she knew, but they wouldn't have to worry about that for a long time. She wouldn't have to size him up until the end, and by then, maybe she would have come up with a plan. Better yet, maybe someone else would take care of it for her. Maybe she could kill his killer, maybe she would go home a hero to his family.<p>

She wanted to pull the pins out of her hair, but she remembered what Margot had said about not wasting a moment. So instead she leaned outside of the car on the way to the train, smiling to the people of District 4 and trying to make a good impression. They all knew her, of course, but she figured she shouldn't take any chances. If she were less shy, maybe she'd blow kisses. She knew this would have helped her chances, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. That felt like such a private decision, to send someone a kiss. She couldn't tarnish it for an extra sponsor. She couldn't.

As soon as they were to the train, she kicked off the shoes and pulled the dress up and over her head. She moved to the mirror, giving herself a once-over. She didn't look as toned as she would like. She hoped none of the other tributes saw her and thought she wasn't a threat. She hoped-

The door to her car pulled open without warning, and she turned, half naked, to see a man leaning against the doorway. She screamed, screamed so loud the man started to yelp, and she scrambled for the dress on the floor, holding it up over her haphazardly.

"What?" he asked, eyes wide as he looked around. "Did you see a spider or something? I really can't work with you if you're going to freak out over-" he looked toward her and then his look of concern immediately faded. Instead, he grinned.

Of course she knew who he was, though it hadn't occurred to her quite then. He was Finnick O'dair, her mentor. He had won a few years back. He was only a year or two older than her, she thought, if she did the math in her head right.

She had never been good at math.

She stared at him, not even permitting him a glare. A blush crept up her cheeks. She was horrified. Bitting her lip, she looked down at her feet.

"Look." he moved forward a little, so she took a step back. He laughed, a low chuckle under his breath, and she wondered if he thought she was being a child. "Okay." he said smoothly, and he stepped back, covering his eyes with his hands. "No peeking, Annie, I promise. Put your clothes on and tell me when we're okay."

She stared at him for a second, making sure he wasn't going to peek. It didn't matter, she supposed. Tons of people were going to be seeing her in less than this soon enough. Still, when she was sure he wouldn't peek, she crossed the room and put on shorts and a t-shirt, putting her hands on her hips and watching him. "We're okay." she said softly, and when he pulled his hands down, he was still smiling.

He had a nice smile.

"Sorry 'bout that." he mumbled, leaning against the doorway again. "Recently, nudity has become less of a thing I notice." he ran a hand through his hair, sitting up straight again. "I need to take a look at you anyway." He moved forward, putting his hands on each of her wrists, pulling her arms out, checking her wingspan.

She knew all about him. She knew about the trident, about all his sponsors. She knew he was well known. She guessed it could be a lot worse. She could have a mentor with no idea what he was doing.

"Mags should be here soon." he said conversationally, sweeping some of her hair off her shoulder. "We'll have to do something about this..." his words were mumbled, holding a lock between his fingers. "Don't want it to get in the way." He cradled one of her wrists, letting his other hand fall as he put her arm up and spun her around, slowly. "Not bad." he told her, nodding his head.

"Not bad?" she asked, eyebrows raised. She had been working every day for this moment, and she was concerned at a 'not bad'.

"Can't let you get too cocky, can we?" he smiled at her again, looking down. He brushed his finger against her hip and she blushed. She looked up and tried to hide it. "You could have a little more meat on your bones, but we can work on that before the games." he looked up, seeing her face. He furrowed his eyebrows. "You're shy, aren't you?"

She didn't respond- she didn't know what the right answer would be.

"We can work with that." he told her, pulling himself away from her. "Too many district four girls, they try to look badass. Sure, that works with some sponsors, but there are so many people that blend in... All these tough guys, they just become faceless, you know? But a pretty, able-bodied girl who doesn't go around boasting about it, that's interesting. That makes you interesting. That makes you capable. And that, my dear, will get you sponsors."

He turned then, making his way toward the door. He wrapped a hand around the doorway, turning back to her. "You've had a crazy day, you must be starving. They have the best strawberry shortcake I've ever eaten here."

She shook her head, grinning a little despite herself. "I'm not supposed to eat junk like that. Mom says it'll ruin my tone."

"You've got enough tone, believe me." His eyes flickered for a second, and he reached forward, grabbing her wrist again. "I'm not gonna mess you up, Annie. I won't steer you wrong. You deserve a break."

And so, she thought, maybe she did.

* * *

><p><strong>Hi guys! This is my first HG fic so I'm still getting a feel of things, but I thought I'd add to the list of the fics based around Annie's games and how she fell in love with Finnick and all that. Some parts will be kind of hazy and other parts more distinct depending on how I think Annie's thought processes might have gone at the time. So I know this might be a bit much but I'd love any and all feedbackinterest because I'm super interested in Annie and Finnick as characters! Thanks as always.**


	2. Chapter 2

It was late, and she should have been in bed. She knew that. Still, she couldn't sleep. The train felt cold despite the piles of blankets, hard despite the cushy pillows. She wanted to go sit in the dining compartment, maybe drink some tea until she could calm down. She shuffled into a pair of slippers and listened to the creak under her feet as she moved, trying not to disturb anyone nearby. She was surprised when her door opened without complaint- maybe it was different with the volunteers, she thought. She had always heard that they locked you in to these places. She had been prepared to try to pick a lock.

She crossed through the compartment and paused, looking out one of the windows for just a moment. She knew they'd be to the capitol by morning. District four wasn't too far, after all. She wondered if her mother was jealous, that she got to see the inside of the place. She knew her mother longed to live there. She paused, running her fingers along the cool glass, watching trees whizz past. She tried to remember it all, so she could tell her mother later. After she won.

Finally, she made it to the dining compartment, and just as she was about to attempt to scuffle together a cup of tea, she saw him sitting in the corner of the room, stretched out like a dead man, eyes closed. His limbs were splayed everywhere, his head cocked to the side, limp. She stared for a moment, horrified, until he opened his eyes. Immediately, he smiled.

"You're supposed to be in bed." he told her. His words were cautionary, though he made no move to take her there.

She shrugged, shuffling toward the things left on the table. She poured herself a cup of tea and moved to sit near him. "I can't sleep." she wondered if it would be too forward, to ask him why he wasn't in bed.

He ran a hand over his face, sitting up a little straighter. She had never thought seeing him in person, so close to her, would be so weird. It was like he just crackled with energy, it came out of him even when he was doing nothing at all. No wonder Finnick got all those sponsors.

"I don't do a lot of sleeping myself." he mumbled, and for a second he sounded almost disappointed, but then he flashed her one of those smiles and her head spun. She learned quickly she could never tell with him, if he was tricking her or being honest with her. That mouth could have made anything sound like a promise. "You should be in bed though. In a few days, you'll be sleeping on rocks. I know they trained you for that, but you shouldn't take for granted the bed while you have it."

Of course he knew they trained her. That's what every kid did in district four. They learned how to hunt, how to sleep in the forest, how to climb trees, how to swim, how to kill. All of them, leading up to that moment when the countdown would end and it was time to show what they were made of. She looked down at the cup in her hands, unsure of what to say.

"You were going to volunteer, weren't you? But then they called your name anyway." His voice had a kindness to it- it took off the edge of the two of them knowing what she was volunteering to do. What this train was hurtling toward.

"Yes." she mumbled, still not looking at him.

"You may think we as mentors don't hear anything over in Victor's Village, but we knew. Honestly, I've been keeping an eye on you. I knew that..." he paused, and she looked up. It didn't surprise her that he had known. It had never been a secret, and everyone knew about the volunteers in a place like Four.

He was looking down at his hands, then he looked up at her. "I don't..." he was about to say something, but then he looked around, thought better of it. Immediately that smile reappeared, as if it had never slid off of his face. "I just, am always glad when I know I'm getting a fighter, you know? And not just any fighter. I'm glad when I know that I have someone that... I can... I can make them a victor."

There was some heady sense of something in his words, and she could feel it. Was he trying to say that he was glad he found someone he could save? She wasn't stupid- she knew that even something as subtle as that might be looked down on by the gamemakers, and she was not stupid enough to ask him to elaborate. Still, she knew the underlying cause here- she knew what he was saying. "You think... You think I stand a chance?"

"I've seen you train." he said curtly, leaning forward to look at her. The cup felt hot in her hands. "I know what you're good at, and the things that you don't excel in, well, I can take care of those."

How could she ever not believe him? They all knew what Finnick O'dair was capable of. He was a legend in her district, and here he was, promising her the world.

Still, she was inclined not to trust him. It all seemed too easy.

"What about Johnny?" she asked, and like a trance had broken, he snapped a little in his spot, giving her a look.

"What do you mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What about him? Is he good? Can you fix the things he doesn't excel at?"

Finnick's eyebrows furrowed, and he looked at her face for a long time, as if he was seeing her in a new light. To avert his gaze, she took another sip of tea.

"You like him?" he asked, his fingers stretching out against the seat.

Immediately, she blushed. It did not take her long to understand the implications of his words. "He is my friend, that's all." she mumbled, feeling like a child. Finnick wasn't that much older than her, and yet next to her, he seemed so wise. She suddenly felt that she shouldn't even be in the room with him, let alone having this conversation.

"You care about him?" his voice had taken on a more authoritative quality. She wondered if she had said the wrong thing.

"He is my friend. We both knew long ago what this would be, and despite that, we formed a bond. A- a _platonic_ bond." she stuttered, feeling childish, looking down at her cup and glaring. "I understand what I'll have to do, but that doesn't mean I- I don't like to think about it." Why did she have to defend herself? Wasn't it human, wasn't it normal to have friends?

Finnick's eyes softened, and he smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. "I don't blame you. It's not a fun thing to think about." Suddenly, he sounded ancient. "You'll be thinking about it for the rest of your life." He stood up then, moved toward her, bent down. He put his hands on her shoulders.

"Annie Cresta, if you tell anyone I told you this, I will adamantly demand you were lying through your teeth to gain favor, and believe me, I am a very good liar." his words were quiet, barely above a whisper. He reached forward, moved a stray lock of hair away from her face. "Fletcher is good, I've seen him. But I can only make one of you a winner. And I think, given the facts, that will be you. I will bring you home a victor."

He stood up suddenly, ran his hands over his shirt. "You'll get the same training, of course, but believe me. This game is just as much inside as it is outside, and you?" he reached forward, holding her face for a second, studying her. Her cheeks burned. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. "I can make this work, Annie. We can do this, together. I am positively certain. We will do this. You and I, we will win."

And like a flash, his smile was back. His fingers brushed against hers as he snatched the tea out of her hand. "Go on to bed, you. You're going to appreciate it in the morning. We have training, and I am not above kicking your ass."

Her head spun, filled with storm clouds. Filled with an uneasiness and a sudden calm, they battled each other as she let him pull her out of her chair and escort her back to her bedroom.

She watched as he leaned against the doorway, staring at her before he finally moved, shutting the door between them, only a hint of that grin on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

She awoke the next morning, bleary-eyed and exhausted, not looking forward to training, though she had no idea why. She had been training for years, what was the difference in doing it on the more serious, the more personal level?

It wasn't the training, though. Once she had finally managed to sleep her dreams had been filled with the stormclouds that had been buzzing in her head. Her mother, at her funeral, holding her head down low, disappointment etched in the lines of her face, a daughter made to kill for the better of the family, unable to do even that which she was trained for. Her best friends from school wringing their hands, crying in huddled masses, and Finnick O'dair standing nearby, a different kind of disappointment on his face, though it pierced her just as painfully as her mother's. And then the Earth swallowed her whole and she was gone.

What she didn't realize, of course, was that it was only the first of the nightmares. How could she have known?

The switch from the train to their new suite was not an interesting one, she thought, or maybe it was all those distracting thoughts clouding up her interest. They had the day with their trainers before the next day when they'd have to start on their practice stations- she wished she could jump to that. With an acute alertness, she realized all she wanted to do was begin sizing up her enemies.

Breakfast was a dull affair, as Annie attempted in vain to get her head on straight so she could be prepared for training. She didn't know Finnick that well, but she could tell that if she showed up half-assed, he was going to let her have it. Besides, she wanted to impress him. Impressing her mentor was the first step in winning the games. She knew that. Every single move she made, it had to be calculated and deliver a good impression. Suddenly, she sat up straighter in her seat.

The other mentor, Mags, would watch what she could do in the evening. For now, right after breakfast was Finnick. She had almost forgotten about the conversation they held the night before, the way he acted as if it had never happened. He was kind but not overly-kind, and she wondered dimly if she had thought too much of it, put too much thought into the conversation. Surely he had told her he was going to favor her, hadn't he? Had she gone mad?

"Let's go on then, Cresta." he said happily, jumping up from his seat, throwing a piece of bacon into his mouth as he walked, running his hands against his jeans and then through his hair. "We've got a lot to get done today."

* * *

><p>"We need to figure out how we're going to portray you for the interviews, but first I need to see your skills." he walked around her in a circle, hand on his chin as he cocked his head, staring her up and down. She had her hair up in a ponytail, her hands at her sides, a perfectly cool expression on her face as she waited to see if she had gained his approval.<p>

Considering they weren't specifically _allowed_ to train, Finnick had had to make do. With a little work, he had rigged up three pillows to hang from the ceiling, though Annie had no idea what he meant to do with them.

"Close your eyes."

Her instinct told her not to, told her it was a bad idea; she should never close her eyes on an attacker. Still, she closed her eyes as he instructed, letting out a breath of air as she waited for he was going to do.

Suddenly his hands were on her waist, then her shoulders, and she felt the push and relented- he was spinning her, spinning her in circles over and over until her brain didn't know which side was which, then he stopped suddenly, placed something in her hand, and said, "Go."

She opened her eyes and immediately stumbled- the spinning had disoriented her, but not enough to make her completely incapacitated. She shook her head, trying to clear it as she squeezed the thing in her hand. A knife. Definitely a knife. She turned, rounding toward the pillows and throwing hard. Though she stumbled when she moved, the knife landed perfectly in the middle of the pillow, wobbling and stilling itself. Admittedly, she was a little proud.

"So you can throw a knife." he said casually, turning to look at her, hands on his hips. "Good. But how are you at hand-to-hand combat?"

She was just about to answer with some sort of 'just fine, thank you very much' but she didn't have time. Suddenly, the wind was knocked out of her as she fell to the ground. In a panic, she thrashed under the solid form above her, only to realize it was Finnick. He had pinned her to the ground.

"Come on!" he said happily, holding her down as she wriggled. "Get up! You have to learn how to get up!"

She glared up at him, at that bright smile he gave her, at the way he was so cocky. This wasn't fair. He had surprised her, thrown her off guard. She was better than this.

"They're going to be bigger than you, Annie, and you might be faster but they might catch you, and you're going to have to know how to get up!"

Frustrated, feeling cornered, feeling stupid, Annie did the only thing she could think to do- jimmying her knee free, she pressing it hard into his groin.

The response was immediate- Finnick groaned, rolling off of her and squeezing his eyes shut, letting out a gust of air as she moved against the floor, staring at him. She was better than that, she knew it. She blushed. She felt stupid. Her training had taught her better. She had panicked. He was going to tell her how dumb she was.

Suddenly, he was laughing.

"Well, that was effective." he mumbled through clenched teeth, rolling over to face her.

* * *

><p>At their meeting Mags was thoughtful, giving her a considerable look-over while she tried to decide how she should be painted to the crowd.<p>

"Careers, as they call you, can be tricky things." she told her, sitting in front of her, hands on her knees. "I know you were trained for this, and some people will like that-" there was a pause, as if Mags was having a problem figuring out the words or letting them roll off her tongue. "-but we have to be able to reach the others as well."

And slowly, with Mags's help and the information she had garnered from Finnick, a plan was concocted for Annie's interview. There would be no use, she said, in showing off Annie's strength- that would be obvious in her score, obvious as soon as the countdown ended and Annie began to fight. They needed to see something else, and though she didn't want to talk about it to anyone, didn't want to talk about it to Mags, let alone every person in the world, she agreed to talk about Lena.

She had to remind herself that Margot had told her that the games had started at the moment of the reaping. If this is what it took to win, she would do it. No use going home in a box full of pride and a dead body, she thought rather morbidly, those kind of thoughts a rarity in her life.

Dinner was exceptionally tasty that evening, now that she was allowing herself dessert. Johnny stuck to their usual diet, though he never once mentioned it as Annie treated herself to a hearty helping of strawberry shortcake. She wondered if maybe Johnny was thinking of how it might slow her down to his advantage, and as she chewed she silently mused to herself that he would be in an exceptional amount of trouble if the time came, given her aptitude with knives.

She repressed that thought quickly. Now was not the time to be worrying about such things.

Somehow, with her prep team gone and the slow clearing of Mags and Johnny, she found herself alone with Finnick again, who was giving her a flicker of a grin as he watched her. She blushed. Who watched people eat, anyway?

"I see you tried the strawberry shortcake." he mentioned, his hand sweeping in the direction of her nearly-empty plate.

"You are my mentor, I suppose I should give you credit for your good ideas." She mumbled, and then she felt as if she had spoken out of turn. Her mother would have been horrified.

But he laughed, that big broad Finnick laugh that crackled with energy. "Get used to it, Annie." he told her seriously, though the ghost of his smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Cause you and me? We're going places. And you're stuck with me and my good ideas for a while."

She wanted to tell him if his next idea was as good as the dessert, she was up for it, but she was still feeling out of turn for her earlier joke. Instead she smiled and shrugged, looking back down at her plate. Finnick seemed unconcerned with this response and continued, though his voice took a more disconcerting tone.

"Mags told me you're going to talk to Caesar about your sister."

She whipped her head up, eyes a little wider than she meant for them to be. "Mags said that it would help those who aren't interested in backing careers to see that I have a heart... Besides my sharp wit and strength." She said the last bit a little proudly, glad that her efforts had been noticed by someone, at least.

"Ah, Mags worries too much." He leaned back in his chair, and she thought how silly it was, the two of them having a conversation across this long dining table with no one else around and nothing but clean and picked-over plates. "I mean, she's got your best interest at heart, but you never have to worry about sponsors with me around." A flash of that dazzling smile that surely enchanted so many women they threw buckets of money at him years ago. "You don't have to talk about that if you don't want to. We can think of something else."

She furrowed her eyebrows, now confused. Was it a bad idea and he didn't want to discredit his other mentor? It didn't seem that way- the tone in his last comment had been too flippant, though, and Finnick might have been a good liar, but she could feel the undercurrent of concern In his words.

"Is it a bad idea?" She finally asked, sitting up a little straighter. She couldn't waste her time with bad ideas. She only had a few minutes to please the crowd, and she had to make sure she did it properly. She didn't have time for Mags and her possibly bruised ego.

"No! No, it's a fine idea..." Finnick dropped eye contact, looked toward the floor and back up again. "I'm just telling you, if you're doing it for sponsors, you don't have to. You could go out there and start barking at the camera and I could sell it, Annie. Don't make yourself-" there was a pause again, and Annie wished she had counted how many times people had seemed to hold their words around her. He didn't seem to be able to finish his thought, and the words floated up, up and into the air.

"It'll be fine." she assured him, though maybe she was assuring herself. "It'll be fine."

* * *

><p><strong>Long time no see! I've been hit with inspiration recently and I'm very interested in picking this story back up, if anyone's still interested in reading it. Please let me know!<strong>


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